Deadpool Savings Time
by megamatt09
Summary: The entire time change thing really is pretty pointless when you really think about it.
The one and only Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, stepped up to the top of the stage to applause. Mercenary, major motion picture star, and all around kick ass dancing machine, he was a real triple threat.

"Hello, people out there in Internet land!" Deadpool yelled and he pumped his fist in the air. "So, this weekend is pretty big. At two AM on Sunday morning, we spring ahead one hour for the use of futility known as Daily Savings Time."

Mass booing followed. Deadpool allowed all of the mutants to get this out of his system.

"So everything will be one hour ahead this weekend, well in many countries. There are some countries in the world who do not observe Daylight Savings Time, and for this I have to say you lucky, lucky, bastards."

Wade took a moment to shake his head.

"What's the purpose of Daylight Savings Time?" Deadpool asked. "Good question, and to be perfectly honest, I don't have a really good answer."

Deadpool tapped his finger on the edge of the desk which appeared in front of him for purposes of tapping his fingers on the desk.

"They say it's because of energy consumption, and saving it, or some such nonsense," Deadpool said. "I can set back all of the clocks in the world ahead by one hour, but it still is going to mess you up mentally. The internal clock marches to its drum beat, and at seven o'clock in the morning on Sunday, it will mentally feel like six o'clock. And eight will feel like seven and nine will feel like ten, for about the next…maybe month, maybe longer, it depends on the person."

"Oh, fuck the time change!" the author of this story yelled from the heavens.

"With all you write, do you even sleep anyway?" Deadpool asked. "And here's something…interesting. This Daylight Savings Mambo Jambo spring ahead thing was actually a few weeks later. You knew what to do because it was you springing ahead in the spring. Then about, ten or twelve years ago, the dates had changed for…um reasons. Like anything the government does…."

An alarm starts blaring in the background and red lights started flashing.

"Warning, politics, abort, abort, abort!"

"Anyway, we're going to spring ahead one hour, on Sunday morning, at two in the morning, thus losing an entire hour in the process," Deadpool said. "You can't set your internal clock ahead any so you're just going to have to rough it until you get used to the time change. A much simpler way is to do away with the stupid time change all together, but you know…that would be logic.

"Warning, logic, abort, abort!"

Deadpool cleared his throat.

"And, I'm sure some of you are saying, but Mr. Wilson, we get one hour extra sleep in the autumn, isn't that swell?" Deadpool said. "Well, you get one hour back, only to lose it again in the spring. Rinse, and repeat all through time."

The Merc with the Mouth pulled up a flow chart to illustrate his point whilst shaking his head.

"It would be just like if you won a million dollars and six months later, you lost a million dollars at the casino," Deadpool said. "And then you gained back the million dollars. Only to lose it again. And then you gained it back. But, wait, you lost it again. And you gained it back. And you lost it again. Wait, here's the million again. And now it's not. Every six months. Here's the million, there goes the million, here's the million, and there goes the million.

Deadpool reached over and grabbed a drink of water.

"Here's an idea, just don't give me the million in the first place, if I'm going to lose it already."

The Merc with the Mouth responded with a headshake, yes another one.

"If you could see underneath my mask, you'd see me scowling around about now," Deadpool said. "Regardless, maybe there's a point to Daylight Savings Time. Or maybe it's just something to drive us further into madness. Hey, what do I care? I'm already halfway there! Join the club! We all have cookies."

Deadpool did an Irish Jig. Because you're sick of reading about him clearing his throat or shaking his head.

"Regardless though, clocks spring ahead this weekend, unless you live in a country which doesn't observe the clocks springing ahead, you lucky bastard who doesn't have their mind fucked with," Deadpool said. "So, everyone have a pleasant weekend, and go buy the Blu-Ray in a couple of months."

Deadpool turned and exited stage right.

* * *

 **End.**


End file.
